Disney is a war training facility (Pt.1)

Dear Diary,


Today I have been called in to work to infiltrate the evil corporation known as Disney.
Why? Because they are evil.
Why are the evil? Because their shows suck and have mild sexual themes (which are then exposed to children)
Apparently I'm infiltrating their organization by this magical ticket given to me by my boss. The ticket merely has a picture of a duck without pants and the words "Disneyland" in snazzy font. This must be an extremely special card as in the back it states 'admit one.' This is how secretive the organization is; they only let ME use the ticket. They look like this:

These are extremely rare and special as they allow you to enter the Disney HQ

As I entered the corporation's headquarters known to the public as a common amusement park, I was given a special map that provided me with enough information to figure out how to fit in. First of all, I needed to get an employee badge; that would make me seem like a part of the company.

I looked around and found out that almost everyone in the vicinity was wearing a hat with two rounded plastic ears that look like this:

The Employee Badge

By wearing these ears you would be considered 'part of their world.' I took upon chance and found one on the ground lying near a trash bin. Perfect. Now I fit in:


"Now I fit in!"

I decided to follow the crowd of people around. Good god, I realized that the workers had brought their children with them. There are more children in the area than adults. This really must be an evil place if they make parents force their children to work too. I ended up infront of this building labeled 'Buzz Lightyear's Star Command.' It seems pretty harmless. But here's the worst part, they make you wait in the hot, blazing sun for about an hour. This is apparently where Disney decides to torture children and adults alike into submission. I entered this 'Star Command' compound after about an hour and looked around. The parents look exhausted beyond belief and the children... those poor poor children... are screaming and laughing like crazy. They make children go insane here. Next thing I know I'm on a conveyor belt being pushed into a little round vehicle... with GUNS ATTACHED.

What I saw next was horrifying. Like World War II horrifying. It was in this very 'Star Command' command compound that they [Disney] trained their workers to be an army. Children are forced to take the laser guns and shoot at targets around me. Let me repeat this. THEY TRAIN CHILDREN TO GO TO WAR. This right here... is a great discovery.

Funny enough, the Disney corporation did my job for me by allowing us to buy photos of the 'training experience.' Stupid Disney. I bought multiple photographs of children in this training camp (the good thing is that all the photos are of them shooting something; good evidence). Uh-oh, people are looking at me funny now. Apparently it's odd to buy pictures of other people.

I better get out of here before my cover gets blown.

Sincerely,

That Agent.
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Lesson here: Why are people bitching about Disney? Geez, people are just crazy nowadays. Leave them be.